Sorry, no online dictionaries contain the exact phrase wanting to kill myself.
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Reverse dictionary results:
1. dead
 2. die
3. dying
4. shoot
5. kills
6. killed
7. killing
8. suicide
9. deadly
10. lust
 11. submit
12. want
13. deaf
14. free
15. inferior
16. lonely
17. lost
18. needy
19. will
20. better
 21. albino
22. blatteroon
23. break
24. death wish
25. egocentrism
26. egoism
27. envy
28. executor
29. hatred
30. illustration
 31. intestate
32. luxuria
33. overreach
34. overreaching
35. owl
36. porphyria
37. provincial
38. self-centeredness
39. self-concern
40. self-interest

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You can look up the words in the phrase individually using these links:   wanting ?   to ?   kill ?   myself ?
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